Sugar , Salt & Pepper

Life’s been a roller coaster. In just these 4 weeks that had just passed , I experienced the extremes of all emotions.

Have you ever had a crush on someone you hardly know ? Well ,I did. How ? I don’t know. Have you ever felt attracted to someone just at sight ? Well , yes , I did. But , yeah . It’s just a crush. The pass 3 weeks I’ve been distracted by this crush I have. Looking back this 3 weeks. I think I just saw the teenager in me. The infatuation over the guy really took hold of me. I could not concentrate in the things I normally did. I was overwhelmed and excited because my crush was chatting with me. As silly as it sounds. I was really happy whenever I received his reply. Damn. Don’t laugh please…that was joy of a different nature that I have not felt for a long time. Wait. I never felt that kind of joy before.It’s that kind of joy you’ll get when someone like Lee Hom comes to talk to you. But sadly. My crush got attached to a senior of mine just today. Quite sad right… but well ,again… It was just a crush. So , my guy (hopefully there is one in future) is still roaming some part of earth.

I was so distracted by the excitement I was feeling , I grew so fed up of myself. I was angry because I was so easily affected by things like this. Sigh … And I was angry that the guy opposite my place was bugging again. I don’t know why he is so persistent. I wished he would just give up already. Move on… Like how I’m moving on from my crush XD.

Actually sometimes , I think that God really jokes with us. I learnt that you’ll never get the love from the person you like. The guy likes you so much but you don’t like the guy. And when you like the other guy. The other guy doesn’t like you pula. It just shows that we humans can only plan so much but at the end of the day , we can’t control God’s plan for us.

Dearest grandpa just passed away on Monday. Sigh … Grandpa’s not here anymore =( I would always remember grandpa saying to me ,”阿意 你要用功” it never fails to motivate me to study hard to be a good doctor.

I’m emotionally drained right now. But I’m glad that I can close this chapter of my life.

It was ,nevertheless, a wonderful roller coaster ride.

Cheers !

 

p/s :  i’ll probably not care  who-so-ever sees this post or what they might think of me  . Be it the guy, friends who might know him, my batch mates or my parents . But yeah .. as i said , im closing the chapter . This is the last discussion on the topic for me and i hope for you too .  it ends with this full stop here .

Protected: Letter to Myself 1

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Protected: Like a teenager

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Connection

A bridge was built today.

Predictable Guys

So not nice .

Some guys are predictable . I haven’t been talking about the guy opposite my house for some time now . Just don’t feel like making it a big matter . But , recently . So many things had happened . It all happened in SMS form .  Even though its just SMS , DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE what a simple SMS can do to you—– mentally .

He started by sending weird messages . To even weirder messages . Then,  to i’m-so-sorry-this-is-funny-to-me kind of messages . To ok-this-is-kinda-annoying-to-me kind of messages .

 heeeheeeheee …but sometimes its somewhat amusing .

I told you right , i confronted him , asking him why he sent so many messages .

He didn’t take it too well . Went hyper and all , sending me countless SMS explaining and explaining . I don’t see the point of explaining . =__=”

Since i don’t like him to send so many messages . The fella very smart . Send 1 day 1 SMS hoping that i would reply and all . Then 1 day , he pek cek already . So he complained that he already limited himself to sending one SMS a day but i still didn’t reply his SMS .

I feel evil, sadlah…………………………………………………………………….. Oh well .

So it continued that way . This week  he has been sending SMS alternate days .  Meaning . One day send . One day don’t send . And i continue to just ignore those SMS .

Actually . Reflecting on all that has happened . This guy is tough .

Its been one month plus since he’s been trying . His tenacity is something that amazes me . But , i feel sorry for tormenting him that way  . Its really not his problem .

I don’t want to open myself to others right now. I have no space for relationships right now . And the special person has not really crossed my path .  (Or did i missed him while he was crossing ??O__O die , come back can?)

Over the past one month , it started out from simple messages that i replied only a few SMS . As the days pass , the SMS seemed like what a boyfriend would type to a girlfriend . ( Like good morning … take care … good night … don’t sleep too late … remember to off your lights )  yes , he’s been watching my room .

It became scary . Creepy  . A Stalker on the loose ! He knew when i was at home . When i wasn’t at home . It was like so dangerous .I had to peek out the house to see if he was outside before i came out of the house . Even now , its that way .

Then , i learnt how to IGNORE . meaning , i don’t see him at all . that made him very dissapointed . He was sending SMSes like : “i like the old shi yi better . the shi yi now very Cöol . Don’t acknowledge my presence ” stuff like that .

Then he also tried triggering me to reply his SMS . There was once … he sent an SMS telling me that he went to Thailand and bought some biscuits and chocolates back for me . And he asked if he could bring them over to me . Sigh … seeing that he was so nice . I replied him telling him its ok . He can eat it himself . I don’t want the biscuits . He was very happy that i replied . So , he started asking me stuff like : his leg is painful , can he run( i’m just a medical student , wth ) ? and also he asked me if i wanted to eat lunch , or if i wanted him to Da Pao ?

Triggering a reply from me which i didn’t succumb to  .

Then .. one day … he sent a SMS of confession . Saying that he misses me , he thinks of me , and can’t forget me .

Seriously ??

You know , my acquaintance with him was just that ONCE ! (when i went jogging and so happened he was jogging and coming my way . )

So i ignored that SMS as well . The next day , he apologized to me saying that he was anxious the other night .

And now , like i said earlier … He sends SMS on alternate days . Soon , I feel , he’ll let go and move on .

Can that soon come faster ? If not , i’ll need Maxis to help me block the number . Aiks ….

Enough of that .  Here are some photos of the Kampung Angkat Project 2011 in Batu Pahat with some of my friends having fun .

 

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Him

I had a dream about you  and me this afternoon .

 We were talking . You were talking to me .

We were friends .

Not strangers .

There was no embarrassment or awkwardness .

You looked at me differently .  As a friend .

I wished it was so . And I continue to hope it’ll be that way … someday  .

How are you lately ?  I see that you’ve been having lots of fun with your brothers ?

How’s your mum ? Does she still cook bak kut teh ? Has she decided to open her shop yet ?XD

I’ve been well . Getting fatter in fact .

And i’ve been thinking of you lately .

Harassment

The opposite uncle ‘s son is soooooooo “”friendly !!

and also very free .

He is like waiting for me to finish my exam . And waiting for me to reply his sms .

I’m ignoring his calls and sms . Feel so evil .

Is there another choice ?

i think that replying him would send wrong signals .

and worsen the situation .

yes ? no ?

Each day , he sends sms telling me that he wants to change . Change his bad habits . And be a good person .

I don’t know why he is telling me that.

Also saying that befriending me would help him be more ambitious , be a better person .

O.O

err…really ?

So my plan .

Don’t reply . Don’t answer calls . Don’t look at the house opposite . If i do see him , just wave and smile .

Hopefully .

His hormones balance up . and move on .

I feel like changing my hp number already .

Memo to self : never give out your hp number to guys . want also call them to email you .

Lesson Learnt.

Right . Aside with the  harassment .I’ll tell y0u a contrasting story now .

EEEEEEEEEE . . . the anaesthesiologist group of people looks so ”Yeng” lerrrr ..

whenever they walk into the wards ….  like got a wind blow pass them errr …

*DROOL*

and there’s one guy … hou leng zai arrrrr ….   decent looking , very gentleman looking  ….

Gah , i’m melting

I am motivated to start running again and slim down so that he’ll look my way …. zzz crap

 I’m nuts .

update: word out . my brother says the anaesthesiologist is already … Married . Crap . =_=”

>_<

>_<

Em .

I am a very shy person .

I”ll tell you a story today .

A few days ago , i went jogging in the morning . Very early . Like around 6.30 am . I jogged around the neighbourhood .

Jog Jog Jog .

And i bumped into the son of the uncle who stays opposite my place .

So . Ok . chit chat with him a bit . Asked him stuff like whether he usually jogs and all . Blah Blah Blah .

Then he ask me if i want to go jogging on Sunday .

Like i said … I very shy . So i came up with some excuses saying maybe i’m going back home this weekend blah blah .

Which i eventually did . But didn’t stay long . And am already back here in Seremban . zzz .

So he asked me how he should contact me .

Sigh ..

So i told him he could contact me through SMS lo . But since he didn’t have his phone with him . So i asked him to get from his dad coz i called up his dad for some help before .

SO  that’s that.

The past 2 days . He started SMS-ing me . like the normal , nothing-to-do kinda SMS . E.g : have you eaten , good night , good morning . Stuff like that lah . I just replied him a normal SMS with a lot of “haha-s” and  smiley faces . zzz .

Then , yesterday he said he wanted to tell me something . his english’s not that good . So , he used chinese most of time . Then . He told me that when i am free , i can SMS him .

T_____T

I don’t have space for any other activity lerh .

And i’m not the kind of person who like SMS-ing without any apparent purpose or  reason .

SO in the end . I just , “haha , okok . ” the end .

I’ve been single for ……….approaching 3 years now . And i like the way life is now . But , sometimes , i do think about relationships and who’s THE person God has prepared for me .

that’s not the point .

what i want to say is

I am too comfortable in my own world .  Friends that i meet in my daily life are different . We talk . We crap . The usual stuff .

But when guys other than the ones i hang out with try to come into my world .

I can’t help but feel like that they have some motive .

.

.

.

.

i think too much >_<

I don’t know whether i am going jogging on sunday or not . If don’t want to go … how to reject lerh .

Plus , damn a lot of things to do now . No time to jog .

Hence the  Pek Cek face .

>_<

Prep Up For Seremban

All of a sudden . I’ve become busy .

Busy with Seremban house stuff . So its settled . I’m getting the keys from the Su Ping the senior this coming Friday . I need to bank in RM1900 to her TONIGHT ! That’s a lot of money . Its breakdown  - common furniture ( fridge , filter , clothes hanger , 1 month deposit , masterbedroom aircon and wooden bedframe )

Su Ping has been very helpful . Thank God Sheen found her in his Obs & Gyn ward . Saved me all the trouble hunting for houses . I guess we were among the earliest to find a house with such a good rate . RM 450 . Whole house . Can you believe it ? My room in vista was RM400 !!  Imagine rental per month ?  RM150 for the masterbedroom ! Hualalalala !

With that , there’s so many things to think about . Su Ping suggested that we get the internet service up before classes start .Meaning , i’m booked next Monday  ! I don’t know how to go about it though >,<  All I know is that i need to go to TMnet . Me and the girls ( xy, zl, ep) decided to get the Streamyx Grad Pack of 4mbps . Initially wanted Unifi VIP5 ( suppose to be very fast )  . Then decided it wasn’t very suitable for us . After all , we’ll probably be downloading stuff only .

Planning to move in and build my room already ! Can’t wait !

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I’m a bit horrified of the coming clinical years .

Its bound to be stressful .

Seniors say prepare for a culture shock .

*gulps*

It ain’t going to be easy to face patients . To suck up criticism . To study under constant pressure from peers who are super Geng !

* faint*

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Guess what i did on Valentine’s Day ?

I was a deliverer !

I delivered flowers to my home and Seremban . One for my dad , and one for my elder brother .

What my brother gave his gf .

ignore the date

You know… it feels good to be single . Its a bit weird . At the same time . Its a bit disturbing . Grandparents , relatives , aunts , uncles , dad’s patients come asking you : “have you found yours” . Annoying already .  There was a point in life where i would just tell them that I’m going to Seremban to find for surgeons . And yeah , they would laugh . I used the line so many times that i think i need a new one already .

Bah !!  and I’m getting so fat . I’m going to run a whole 2 hours today ! >,<

Ready?

Recently , i’ve been thinking a lot about relationships . Like , why am I not in one ?  Am i suppose to be in one ? Why wanna be in one ?

Its been a year plus since i’m solo . And , funny , i don’t really feel like being in one at the moment . I keep having this thinking that if i was in a relationship .

I would lose myself . I will , in some mysterious ways , have a  change of behavior, turn into a different person . Meaning , imagine a potato . Shred away the skin , and it becomes something different . Use the peeler . And continue shredding . Each time you shred it . The potato takes a new form . Until it is totally different from original .

To me ( really , i do think that i am the only person who is so free to think of such things , it really doesn’t apply to everyone )  , i am that kind of person who ,  if in a relationship , would “shed” myself willingly , change my ways for the person. If shedding was for the better , i definitely wouldn’t mind it . If shedding meant changing me to a person i don’t like to be , to a person i feel disgusted upon thought , that would be just terrible . And the latter usually have more dominance in my mind  . It makes me feel afraid of relationships , reluctant to be in one .

Another thing is that  i keep thinking that if i was in a relationship . I would have to put much efforts in taking care of the person i love . I know it suppose to come naturally . One would natural feel like taking care of the person they love right ? Like its an automatic reflex of the body and mind to take care of the one they love . It should never be a burden or on a to-do-list or a headache to take care of the one you love right .

I don’t know . I feel that it is a burden sometimes . And I am a lazy person . And a person who enjoys me-time a lot . Being in a relationship , to me ( again , it applies to me only k ppl )  ,  would me giving up a lot of me-time . Without the me-time , i’ll only lose myself even faster .

Then again , it is said that  once you’ve found love , you won’t even care about me-time so much , you would be so in love with the person , you would just give it all up for that person for his or her happiness . Yes ? No ?

To love is to sacrifice your own happiness for the happiness and betterment of others .  Time . Friendships . Relationships with others . Studies . Career . Dreams . All these in exchange for the happiness of the person you love .

No I can’t. I can’t get myself to give that all away .  I am not ready for it .

Not yet .

P/S : I’m not in emo mode fyi .