感谢谢

Do you know about IMU Surgical Society ?

This society has been the oxygen I breath and the food that I eat . Basically, im just saying that its been what I’ve been busy with for the past 3 months .

We are organizing our 1st Surgical Meeting this June 16th.

Its going to be BIG !!!

We are expecting  200 students. And I really do want to make this event a success .

Currently, we are making all the preparations. All the small small minor minor logistics have to be taken into account .

I’m in charge of sponsors .

Currently, we have sponsors from Student Service Deparment IMU, IMU SRC . My friend also found & 2 major sponsors . B-Braun and Student Board MMC.

I think … I caught my first big fish today .

The samaritan agreed to sponsor us RM 1000 !!!!

If that is confirmed, we need another RM 1000 to be secure.

感谢上帝。

Bulletproof

I feel like running away. I need a very thick skin to face my bosses in the future.  I think im being trained in my university to have skin that is bulletproof.

Had a class today with a specialist . My friend presented the history and I presented the physical examination. I failed to examine the patient.

To tell you the truth, I really had no clue what and how I had to examine the eye. I felt very dumb . The specialist asked me to draw the eye . And I just couldnt . I had a very very terrible time. It was clear that I was struggling. My friends were in there as well. Makes it even more embarassing . But, I am grateful . They helped me through.

Right now, I want to burst and just cry my heart out but I’m in the library.

God says . No complaints. No grumbles. Just give thanks.a very hard lesson to learn.

I needed that lecture and scolding . I needed that terrible feeling I had.

I take it as a wake up call. I need to study more. I’m no genius. but I am willing to work hard.

My elder brother says,”Nevermind. Nevermind. Dont take it to your heart. Just buck up.  ”

So, Just Buck Up !

Bitter

There are times  where you just want some people to not comment on anything you do . But , support you and help you to find a solution.

I’ve overloaded myself with duties , responsibilities and commitments that I cannot possibly runaway from . I am very stressed I have to  admit .

My main concern at the moment . I need sponsors . I need sponsors for our Surgical Society event. I woke up this morning filled with optimism . I trust that there will be sponsors . I will find these sponsors. I trust that God will see me through this time .

In times like this , it feels as though the whole world is crumbling down on you . I feel the heaviness ; the load of a 100kg weight on my shoulders ; i have to hold on to this 100kg weight until everything is over .

People around me sympathize . Some even advise me not to wear this hat that is too big for me . Some comment that I have “no life” . These are from friends and colleagues . I do think about these advices  but i don’t really take them seriously .

But , it really doesn’t help when the people who are close to you comment on these . I know that , yes , what they say are all very true . I know . But , I can’t turn things around . You , commenting on it again and saying that I shouldn’t do this  and that I brought this upon myself  does not change anything .

I don’t need a lecture . Its not a mistake that i’ve done . Why lecture ?

I just need you to understand . I need you to feel what i am going through . And most importantly , i just need you to encourage me to hang in there . I just need your full support .

I know I can get through this . I know no matter what . God still loves me . It may be God’s will for this heavy load upon me . I don’t know .

Now , I just have give my very best and do my part  .

I thank all those who are understanding enough to hear my complains .

I thank those who have the patience to hear me sulk and sulk over and over again on the same things .

I thank those who offered their helping hands .

I thank those who encouraged and push me forward .

I thank those who have to bear with my temper and stressed out alter-ego .

And I thank God . For He has blessed me abundantly with all those people.

 

Yes . I .Can .

We are fragile . 

Everyone is self-centered to some extent.Once you are out working , then will you only learn that reality is cruel . 

Reality is cruel. Its about survival of the fittest. 

What does it take to be the fittest ? 

We dream . We yearn . We hope . But , in reality , the pieces never come together that easily . There are bound to be obstacles . These barriers that will lead you astray from your aspirations. 

The fragile are lead adrift. We drift further and further away . And sometimes , to a point that there is no way back .

But , no . We need to return and continue to move forward. 

Optimism , perseverance and courage .  

Optimism to know that you can make impossible turn possible , to believe and have confidence in yourself. 

Courage to face the consequences of our actions , to face failure , to take up challenges , to deviate from the norm. 

Perseverance to hang in there no matter how bad the storm is at the moment , to not give up but push on when everybody expects you to stop , to withstand the agony no matter how sharp and painful it is. 

It starts with optimism . 

Let’s start now. 

I can do this .

Yes .

I .

Definitely.

Can . 

 

 

Snooze

I had the most wonderful 10 hour sleep from 6pm to 4 am today . 

Wow , I feel refreshed . 

Actually , i was supposed to wake up at 7 pm . Grr … Alarm went off . Snoozed it . Alarm went off again . And snoozed it once more . It continued that way till I off the alarm totally .

10 hours later … I woke up saying to myself ,”ok , time to go for a run “ 

Looked at the clock . 4.38 am 

O__O

Honestly , this happens quite often. 

But , I am no longer exhausted!

Cheers to our brainstem ! 

 

?

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In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

I am in my 4th year of medical school . I pass my exams . I go to the wards . I study my medical books . I run . I take charge of money matters for SRC . I go out for movies once in a blue moon. I go out to celebrate my friends’ birthdays. I facebook. I blogsurf. 

I don’t know where I am headed to . 

I really don’t know what i SHOULD be doing. 

I hear my lecturers and specialist lamenting about the quality of house officers in the hospitals. And they tell us not to emulate these attitudes. They talk about being thinking doctors and being good doctors. No doubt , i agree with them that we have to be good doctors who think . 

Then . 

I look at my friends . There are so many of them that are so passionate , so intelligent , so charismatic and  all-rounded. 

The passionate – they know exactly what they want to do in their future . They started planning out their path. They involve themselves in research. Stand beside them , you will feel the overflowing passion within them. 

The intelligent – the dean’s list students . They know so much . Answers questions accurately , right on the dot . Their flow of thoughts ,so organized , always on the right track . They know what’s important . They know what we should know . They know what to focus on. 

The charismatic – they can present themselves very well. They can impress lecturers from their confidence . They easily build rapport with patients. They leave good impressions .  Lecturers remember their names . Patients love to talk to them . 

The all-rounded – they are leaders . They can talk . They are intelligent . They exude confidence . You can say that they are as steady as a rock ! Sails through everything smoothly . You never see them stumble nor complain about anything . 

I don’t know what category i’m in. i don’t know what i should be doing . 

My passion ? I don’t know what i like yet . I like Surgery . I like Paediatric . I like Internal Medicine .I like Psychiatry . I like Orthopedics . I like Family Medicine also . Obstetric is not too bad . Hmmm … That’s all the postings i went through the last one year . 

 I think , as a medical student . I should be learning and building my foundation. I need the basics that will help me learn better when I am a house officer next time . I need to know the basics of managing an emergency . I need to learn the skills to diagnose a patient from history and physical examination . I need to learn to appreciate symptoms , signs and investigation results . Know what they mean . I need to know how i want to help my patient so that they can get better . I need to know what to do to help my patient . I need to relieve my patient’s problems and comfort them . My aim is to make sure the patient goes home , even though not totally cured , but , at least more relieved and less in pain than the moment she stepped into the hospital . I need to learn the soft skills to face people . I need to learn good etiquette . I need to absorb whatever experience i can from my lecturers .

I don’t know .

Sometimes ,  I’m so unsure of what i desire to a point that i don’t feel fit to be a doctor . I’m not passionate enough. I am not compassionate enough. I am not intelligent enough. I am not confident enough. 

It all sounds very negative . I know …  

These thoughts run through my mind quite often.

Where am I headed to ?

What’s my aim?

Where’s my passion?

Am i doing the right things ?

Did i make the right choice to study Medicine ?

What should i be doing now ?

What does God want me to be ? 

God , what do you want me to be ?

God , am i heading to where you want me to be ?

God , am i making the right choices ?

God , I need a sign . Like … really really . 

 

 

 

 

 

P/s :  I realize those negative thoughts come to me like once a month … and i blame it on Premenstrual Syndrome. It occurs during the few days before menstruation. Sometimes , it gets really very bad and I get very very depressed.  Grrr … The not so good part of being a female.

 

 

Angels

I passed !!! All the hard work , endless nights of insomnia , daily episodes of palpitations , upon-awakening-guilt is all worth it ! I don’t know my grades yet . But , passing is more important ! I have a week’s holiday . There’s so much I want to do . Example : train for the upcoming Brooke’s Marathon , read the bible , run , go shopping , run some more , learn to cook soup , read blogs , read novels … One week ? Not enough time ! Semester 8 starts in a week . I’ll be in a different group with different members again .

You know , most of my friends would try to swap groups to be in the same groups as their housemates or good friends who they are used to . In semester 7 , I didn’t swap groups throughout semester 6 and semester 7 . Just stuck to the allocated group . In semester 7 , my group members were totally the people who I didn’t normally mix with throughout the whole 3 years in medical school . I hardly knew any of them besides their name . Also , in semester 7 , I was in the group which nobody wanted to be in . You see , we had 4 postings in Semester 7 . Our group started with psychiatry , then continued with orthopedics , pediatrics and obstetrics . Nobody wanted to be in this group because we were ending with obstetric , also known as the busiest and most hectic posting . And , everyone wanted their last posting to be one that provided them some free time for revision . No way in obstetric posting would you have free time for revision . It was possible , just extremely exhausting.

I did feel like swapping groups but then i realize it didn’t really matter . So , I decided to just stay in the group and see how things go . To tell you the truth , obstetric posting turned out to be really very exhausting . With all the deadlines for research project , CFCS at the end of the Semester , and adding case summaries and reports and also covering wards each night , I tell you , obstetric posting turned out HELL-ish to the members of our group . There was a point where we were all so stressed out that we argued among subgroups. It was really terrible . It should never happen again .

Despite all that , I realize , I found friends , my subgroup members . These friends are sincere and real . These friends , they do not have an alternate motive , they do not keep to themselves . And through them , each of them , I learnt something new . I hardly knew them , hardly talked to them . Slowly , we got to know each other . Slowly , we got used to each other . And by the end of a few postings , we were quite a close knit .

The picture was stolen from Maywan’s Facebook page . Hehe .

Semester 7 was suppose to be “DASYAT ” . But , thanks to them , Semester 7 was so much more enjoyable than semester 6 . Seriously . I remember during pediatrics posting , I was basically laughing throughout the whole posting ( in the wards , in class and after class ) because of them . Those were good times !

Today , we got our results! And i am superbly happy because we got through the exam together. We passed the exams together and Zheng Sheng made us proud by being one of the distinction students ! ( sorry , promote one last time here )

I think … God placed me in this group for a reason .

Now , when I look back on Semester 7 , I realize , the reason is them .

Angels and blessings come in all shapes and sizes . =)

Cheers ! God bless all of you .

Untold Tales

As you know , exams are over for us Semester 7 medical students . Evidenced by this post here . I have so much free time now . I don’t know what to do with myself . Grrrr…..

We were so busy preparing for exams the past few months that we didn’t have time to think of the aftermath of exams . Being the kind of person who would normally have a timetable for my daily plans , you could imagine how lost a sheep I was . I ended up staying home on Tuesday filing , sorting my notes and also blog/blog shop hopping . But , the conclusion is , life without exams is equivalent to being in heaven .

I did my evening runs around the neighborhood today . After 3 laps , I decided it was enough. Grandma and grandpa were sitting in the porch , getting a few breaths of fresh air . I started chatting with them as I stretched my limbs .

Grandma talked to me about dad today . It started from just a simple question I asked . I asked grandma if anyone in the family were sporty . She told me no one was. No one played any form of sports . The only sport they did at home was shooting lizards with their “lastik” . Zzz.

She went on telling me stories about my uncles and aunties. But , more importantly , she told me about my dad . Dad’s childhood and dad’s achievements in the past .

Dad was superbly intelligent . Grandma said he was top in class all the time . He used to have a rival. Apparently , his rival was the son of the school principal . But , he had never succeed in defeating dad . Grandma said that he was top in class from Form 1 till Form 5 . Usually , in the mornings , grandma would send him for extra classes for the extra subjects he took . And after the classes ended , he would rush for afternoon school in Alor Gajah. Grandma said that dad was always very intelligent . He could catch and understand fast. Despite having such a hectic schedule , he managed to maintain his position in class.

Did you know that, dad was practically Gadek’s hero . He was the first in his small town to attain a place in University Malaya for Medicine . Back then , it was very prestigious to be offered a place in University Malaya . The people of the town were so happy and proud of him that they held a dinner to celebrate his achievement. A journalist even wrote about him. Eh, no kidding . I also want to be in the newspaper one day ok !

When dad graduated , he came back to Gadek and provided free consultations for the residents in Gadek. That’s why everybody in Gadek likes him very much. Sometimes , despite being tied up at work , he would make it a point to come back to Gadek to treat the people in Gadek .

I was really amazed , awestruck by this tale that I never knew of Dad. I’m …like … inflated now because … wow … That’s my dad !!! He is truly a role model in my life . There is so much that I can learn from him and my mum . I can’t thank God enough for both of them . And I hope that , one day , I’ll be as great as them .

If possible , even better than great . =)

Dad and his trusty fly-swatter! XD

Cheers !

Exams Grrr…

Today , I want to talk to you about exams .

Particularly , the exams  i just had for the past 2 weeks . It , finally , ended today on Valentine’s Day .

It’s been an exhausting few weeks for us Semester 7 medical students . We had our clinical exam yesterday and today . Yesterday , we had OSCE ( long case) and today we had OSCE (short case) . Both test us on our clinical skills in a stressed up situation . For instance , in OSCE ( short case ) , there are a total of 8 rooms , each with a clinical scenario. Students are required to move from room to room answering what is required from that clinical scenario . The challenge is that students are only allowed 5 minutes each station . In other words , in that short 5 minutes , students are required to think of their approach to the clinical scenario and perform whatever is asked of them ( e.g perform an examination of the cardiovascular system or taking a history ) .

If you asked me , it was fun. Seriously . All the patients were real patients . They had signs that we were suppose to pick up. So in that hour ,we saw so many different cases .

Interesting , it was . But , it was a pain to prepare for the exam . Medical exams are so general . There are so many things we can be tested on .

We would really need to learn to think like our lecturers to ease our preparation.

Despite reading , preparing , memorizing so much during the few days before exams , I realize , during exams it is not the knowledge loading the few days before exams that helped me but it was prior knowledge . It just points out to me the importance of our daily learning in the wards (not during exam periods) .  There were many times when my patients face pop-ed into my head as i recalled the symptoms they presented with and the management plan the doctors implemented.

Overall , I can’t really assess myself on how i fair this exam . Results are released this coming Friday .  The results are annouced in a very stressful manner . All students are gathered in the hall . They would announce the borderline pass students . These students are reassessed on that day itself where they decide to pass or not to pass the student . And the rest of the students in the hall were either a distinction student , clear pass student or … a student who failed . *GULP*

I’m hoping for the best . Don’t want to be reassessed or retake the whole semester 6 and 7 .

Hmmm…I love Medicine and all . But , i really hate preparing for exams. Grrr… None the less , *sigh* we’ll need to go through many more exams in future , better to just get use to it then .

This is one really boring post … Pfftt . Exams suck the fun out of life .

Shall make life more interesting these few days .

Last but not least , Happy valentine’s day !

Rapid enough?

Exam! Major exam ! Starting this Wednesday is the theory paper Short Answer Questions and OSPE. and the next week , Monday and Tuesday , we’ll have our very first OSCE (clinical skills) exam in seremban clinical school.

*palpitations! *

*shortness of breath!*

*fit !

This years Chinese New Year was ruined by this professional examination.

These are the books I used during each posting.

 

And these are the ones used for my revision.

 

So colorful right ?

 

I like em for their brevity. It’s straight to the point and in point-form. It helps if you need a quick revision.It has the important points in there.However , it does not have any images or many tables or a differential diagnosis section though. Its mainly on the different diseases. An Approach and Differential Diagnosis section in their next edition would definitely be good. Then it would be quite complete. I think it’s better than OHCM because they provide the indications of the investigations.

 

That’s just what I think of the book. Hopefully , it’ll aid me in sailing through the exams. Clear pass.. Clear pass .. Clear pass is all I need. Before ending, just want to share this bible verse

psalm 37:8 Do not fret, it only causes harm. Trust in the lord and do good. Feed on his faithfulness. Commit your way to the lord. Rest in the Lord. God is in control.

My mum sent it to me via SMS  =) It never fails to reduce my anxiety.  =D